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Category: Attachment

Self-Differentiation: Where Do I End and They Begin?

Dezeree Martinez, LPC November 4, 2022 No Comments

Where do I end and they begin? A major milestone in every independent adult’s life is establishing self-differentiation. What is differentiation of self, you ask? Well, it’s the beginning of adulthood. Self-differentiation describes a few processes but begins with a separation from a person’s family of origin (we, in the industry call this the FOO) as they embark on their own journey in life. In short, it’s growing up, but it’s not just growing up — it’s figuring out who you are and developing your own secure identity. This milestone is typically smooth for folks who grew up in healthy

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Understanding Your Attachment Style

Dezeree Martinez, LPC October 7, 2022 No Comments

Have you noticed patterns in your romantic relationships, either good or bad? Chances are — if you really think about it — you will see patterns in how you connect with people, feel loved, develop trust, and communicate your needs. Many of these patterns can be predicted by understanding you attachment style. Attachment styles affect how people feel about themselves, how they get close to one another, what they expect from each other, and the unique ways in which they show vulnerability or respond to conflict. Where Do Our Attachment Styles Come From? Humans, like all creatures, are hardwired for

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How To Enforce Boundaries

Dezeree Martinez, LPC September 9, 2022 No Comments

Hi, parents of teenagers! How are you holding up? Seriously… you okay? I know it’s rough. On top of navigating their moodiness, you’re trying to keep them safe and give them more independence. You hope that they’re making good choices. Because you don’t want them to make the same mistakes you did, and you try to be there whenever they need you. You wonder if their friends are good influences. Maybe you wonder if their struggles are normal or if they are evidence that you failed somehow… I might be projecting a bit on that last one.  Thankfully, there is

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Raising Them to Leave Us Fostering Resilience  Pt. 2

Dezeree Martinez, LPC July 5, 2022 No Comments

Fostering resilience in teens can be scary for us as parents as we learned in Part 1 of this blog post. By providing them with the appropriate supports, we are helping them to launch successfully into adulthood. Early development of resilience. The fundamentals of resiliency start in infancy and continue on into early childhood. During this period, little ones are completely reliant on their primary attachment figure, be it a parent or other caregiver, to meet their every need. Through this bond they learn to trust and that they are worthy of having their needs met. Lots of nurturing and lots of

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Raising Them to Leave Us: Fostering Resilience

Dezeree Martinez, LPC June 29, 2022 No Comments

As a parent, our primary job is to protect our kids. It sounds simple, right? Well, that’s what I thought when I became a mother to a bouncing baby boy. You see, I didn’t have the greatest beginning to life so decided I was going to use my experience to my advantage. I thought to myself, I truly know about the awful things that my fellow parent-friends didn’t know so I was going to be able to spot every red flag before there’s even a hint of danger and my kids would be so much better off for it. I was

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Attachment Trauma

Dr. Crystal Krueger May 17, 2022 No Comments

If you struggle with relationships, you are not alone. There are some dominant cultural narratives that assumes there is something wrong with us, but science and research offers us a more expansive view. Our relationship challenges may be rooted in what is known as “attachment trauma”. Attachment Theory We need to first understand attachment to understand attachment trauma. Attachment theory argues humans are born with a need to form a close emotional bond with a caregiver and that attachment is critical to a young child’s development. Both the presence and quality of attachment matter. If our bonding is strong, we

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