Category: Adult

Telling Healthy Relationships from Unhealthy Ones

No relationship is perfect… a relationship is two people, with two different experiences, and two different ways of thinking. A relationship can be with family, friends, or intimate partners. So naturally, there are going to be differences. Our history, previous interactions, and relationships influence how we interact in our current relationships. Just because someone did something wrong, or did something that seemed malicious, doesn’t mean it was on purpose. I’m a firm believer that everyone deserves a second chance. It’s not always easy telling healthy relationships from unhealthy ones. Here’s some steps to figure it out: o Communicate your boundarieso

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Enjoying the Holidays

“Enjoying the holidays.” As a kid, you probably got super excited about them with thoughts of eating too much candy on Halloween, dozing off into a turkey coma while watching football or a parade, or counting down the days to Christmas. As an adult, you may identify with the common, collective groan surrounding the upcoming holiday season. Balancing work, school schedules, (sometimes) demanding extended family, and exceedingly high expectations sets so many of us up for emotional disasters. If I am not careful, I can find myself stuck in an over-commit and under-deliver cycle leaving me tired, frustrated, and feeling

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Self-Differentiation: Where Do I End and They Begin?

Where do I end and they begin? A major milestone in every independent adult’s life is establishing self-differentiation. What is differentiation of self, you ask? Well, it’s the beginning of adulthood. Self-differentiation describes a few processes but begins with a separation from a person’s family of origin (we, in the industry call this the FOO) as they embark on their own journey in life. In short, it’s growing up, but it’s not just growing up — it’s figuring out who you are and developing your own secure identity. This milestone is typically smooth for folks who grew up in healthy

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Interrupting Our Pain Cycle

Have you ever looked back on arguments and wondered why you react a certain way when dealing with conflict? Perhaps those closest to you have told you that that you’re controlling, you withdraw, or you explode and blame others when a conflict occurs. Maybe you’ve even lost relationships because of these patterns. Do you ever feel dysregulated or unable to manage your emotions? That you’re in a situation and don’t know why or what to do about it? The term for this pattern of dysregulation and unhealthy responses is called a Pain Cycle. By understanding our own Pain Cycle, we

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Understanding Your Attachment Style

Have you noticed patterns in your romantic relationships, either good or bad? Chances are — if you really think about it — you will see patterns in how you connect with people, feel loved, develop trust, and communicate your needs. Many of these patterns can be predicted by understanding you attachment style. Attachment styles affect how people feel about themselves, how they get close to one another, what they expect from each other, and the unique ways in which they show vulnerability or respond to conflict. Where Do Our Attachment Styles Come From? Humans, like all creatures, are hardwired for

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How To Enforce Boundaries

Hi, parents of teenagers! How are you holding up? Seriously… you okay? I know it’s rough. On top of navigating their moodiness, you’re trying to keep them safe and give them more independence. You hope that they’re making good choices. Because you don’t want them to make the same mistakes you did, and you try to be there whenever they need you. You wonder if their friends are good influences. Maybe you wonder if their struggles are normal or if they are evidence that you failed somehow… I might be projecting a bit on that last one.  Thankfully, there is

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Social Media

Is social media running your life? It’s a fun way to pass the time and can help to keep us connected with our friends and loved ones, but is social media having a greater impact on you than how you spend your free time? Presence in Society Today, our businesses, culture, and relationships are structured around the presence of social media in our society; it’s nearly impossible to escape it! While it can be an incredible tool to help build a business, connect with friends, get support from others, or even gain education on current issues, it can also become

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My Partner Won’t Go with Me to Couples Therapy

What do you do if your partner doesn’t believe in couples therapy or doesn’t think it is needed?  You can’t force someone to go to therapy, but you can see if they are willing to try. Try A Different Approach This problem is super common and there are many factors that can play a role in couples therapy. If your partner is hesitant to give it a shot, there are ways to approach it with them. Start with having a conversation about why they are don’t believe in it. To be a supportive partner, your first step should always be

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‘Tis the season to… cry, grieve, to feel blue.

So much of what we hear and see in this season is reminiscent of joy and cheer.  It can almost feel like an expectation.  But what if we just can’t? This season can actually be challenging to get through at all, even more so with a cheerful mood.  It reminds of us of who we don’t have and what we didn’t get that we needed.  Let me explain.  The first, simple answer to this, which is true for so many people is that this time of year reminds us of people we loved that we have lost.  Lost to death.

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Opening the Door for Communication

I want to talk about something that is very near and dear to my heart- communicating with a kiddo that is a foster or adopted child.  I’m sure that we can all agree that communication in general is very important.  It’s a skill that is ever growing and that we all struggle with sometimes.  I find a lot of my parents, even in my own family, struggle with communication with their children.  We forget how important it is and get frustrated at times.  I think that’s pretty normal.  When it comes to foster and adopted children communication really is key. 

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